I just realized it has been a full month since I posted. As usual, you all know what that means....pretty much, nothing is happening with the adoption. Our agency has told us that their accreditation paperwork has been submitted. Meanwhile, some other prospective adopters on the adoption message boards have been told by their agencies that the Russian government isn't actually accepting the applications yet. Everyone seems confused these days.
At least we will not have to wonder what's happening during late December through mid-January, since the entire Russian government will be on vacation for the holidays. Ugh.
It is still possible that we will be traveling when we had hoped -- in March for the first trip -- but that possibility becomes more distant if our agency remains unaccredited through the holidays. I suppose we just need to be patient.
How am I doing? I'm in a strange array of moods in any given week. If I think too much about this child of ours in a crib in Russia, it is unbelievably depressing to think that we can do nothing to help care for him or her. We have the time, money, and willingness to do something, and yet we can't. Can you imagine how different his or her Christmas would be if he or she were home with us?
But this is too much to take. So usually, for better or worse, I try not to dwell on this and try to separate myself from the situation. There is nothing we can do. When people ask about how things are going, I sometimes explain the whole situation, but more often I have heard myself be a bit short with people: "We just don't know. We hope for Spring, but we really have no idea." I cannot get my heart set on a certain plan, because we just don't have control. So I think, to some people, I appear less excited about the adoption than I should be. I'm not bubbling over with the joy of this plan right now. I am just getting through this hard part.
This weird range of emotions has me in a strange place with little kids and babies too. Sometimes I love to be around them and to think about our future little one - today was one of those days. The little kids sang in church and I thought about how ours would be joining them in the next year or two. How cute! And I saw a dad with his little guy hanging on his back - maybe 3 years old - at the airport this weekend, and it gave me a warm glow when I thought of Rob and our kid. (No, economists, I'm not using the technical "warm glow" terminology here). But other times I'd rather not be reminded of what's missing right now!
Now, I said earlier that there is nothing we can do. That's not quite right, I guess. We can continue offering this situation to God, calling on him to take action on behalf of our child and us. I am running out of steam on this, so I would appreciate help from those of you who are willing to be part of this effort. It has been so encouraging to get comments from some of you who have been lurking (especially the old Madison crowd! Wow! ). I'll try to email you guys individually sometime soon - I greatly appreciate your patience until then :)
I'll post again whenever there is news...but assuming nothing big will happen before Christmas, let me wish you all the joy and peace of Christ this season. We will be with family, first in MN and then in Canada, and we look forward to celebrating with them.
Merry Christmas!
Sarah
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Last night I put on my Ella Fitzgerald Christmas CD and my current roommate Aida and I wound a string of white Christmas lights around our balcony fence. Alack, the lights do not sing, but they do flash. I thought of you, Sarah, and the four years we did this together, in what sometimes seems like a different lifetime.
Your life has changed profoundly too, these last few years. But I'm so thankful that we're still friends, still in touch, and this year with the prospect of seeing each other face to face. What a great Christmas gift!
Sarah and Rob, our thoughts and prayers are with you, we know the wait is hard and for you it is harder than it was for us, we are sooo sorry this has happened to all those waiting. We know though that in the long run when all is said and done, you will look back and see the changes in yourself and know it wasn't all bad. Have a wonderful holiday, enjoy your families and yes, know that your little one is still waiting and next year will be soooo much fun. We will continue to pray for you and all the other parents to be.
Dear Sarah and Rob,
Wow, this process is just grueling. It really blows me away that red tape can keep loving parents from a child that is meant to be theirs. We are praying for you guys. Today I am going to pray that you find particular peace this season in the advent story of waiting. This is a time of awaiting a new birth and a king who will be born. I pray that as you wait for your own child you can identify with Mary about her fears of the unknown and like her find joy in the anticipation of her child coming. Jesus came in a strange and wonderful way and it was not his mother's timing. I pray that you find peace in the way that your child is coming to you, even as frustrating as it is. It was six years of waiting for my dad to be brought to justice. It was a long six years for me. And yet now that it is mostly over, I have found that God blessed us so much in teaching me about how to trust him so much more. Love to you both.
love,
miracle
Sarah -
I understand your feelings of frustration and also your feeling toward babies. I have been having the same thoughts at Church when watching the littles perform in the choir.
I will continue to pray for you and that you find your child very soon.
In the meantime, enjoy Christmas and your family.
Dear Sarah and Rob,
May the Lord bless you in this time of waiting and trusting. I am so glad you will be seeing Anita soon, even before we do! We pray that your lives will soon be enriched as you are united with your little one.
Love, Duane and Dianne Zandstra
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